Working title: Why You Should Not Visit The Netherlands

Genre: Non-fiction / travel guide / self-help / humour

Synopsis: A do-not-travel guide and self-help book for the price of one, that explains why you should not visit The Netherlands (warning: sarcasm detected).

Sneak preview (introduction):

Welcome to Why You Should Not Visit The Netherlands. This do-not-travel guide is meant as a warning to any tourists, expats, exchange students, Belgians, Germans, or connecting passengers who may come here. You will find a lot of practical advice as well as practical jokes within this book.

But before I start, there is a very important question to be resolved: is your physical body currently present within the borders of the Netherlands? 

If the answer is yes, then find a low spot (that should be easy), stay clear of water bodies, and crouch down as low as possible. Now, put this book on the ground and try to finish it as fast as possible.

If the answer is no, then the recommended course of action is a bit different and it depends on your current predicament. Are you onboard a method of transportation – that is either an airplane or a hyperloop – with the Netherlands as a destination? Then wait until you have reached your destination and refer to question 1. If the method of transportation is anything else, jump out now. 

If you are neither in the Netherlands, nor heading for the Netherlands, then you can relax. I still recommend that you finish this book as soon as possible, but you do not need to crouch down for it. 

As you may have noticed by now, we Dutch have a strange sense of humour. It is mostly sarcasm, mixed with a good bit of nuance, as we do not take the world too seriously. ‘Just act normal, then you are crazy enough’, we like to say. You will find more wisdom like this at the beginning of each chapter.

So, what are you waiting for? Flip the page and find out what the first reason is why you should avoid the Netherlands. And if worst comes to worst, I will also tell you how to deal with it and how to have a small chance of survival.